@jordan_stratton: DID YOU KNOW: If every person on the planet lined up along the Earth's equator, most of them would drown.
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@onion_an: [on date pretending not to be a dung beetle] Date: What's your favourite meal? Me: Poop Date: What? Me: SOUP, I like eating soup
@JustDontBugMe: I wanted to buy your kid a drum set for her birthday to annoy you but she hates drums. So instead I bought her a haunted porcelain doll that gets up and plays the drums at 3am