@Carbosly: Did you know pigs have orgasms that last 30 minutes?
This is God thanking them for bacon.
@ElgatoEsmio: [holding an acorn]
“do you still love me?”
Wife yells outside-
"that’s not even the same squirrel as yesterday!”
@Caissie: I want to be rich enough to tell the Chipotle cashier, "Guacamole is NO OBJECT!"
@Independent: Windows 10 has an extremely unhelpful error message
@BrooksErrDay584: *1st date*
[Be cool, just dont let her know youre a 1st generation PS3]
So where do y-
*internal cooling fan drowns out entire conversation*
@hazelmotes1: Me: Could a drunk person do this!? *assembles Ikea bookcase*
Her: that's supposed to be a couch.