@Carbosly: Did you know pigs have orgasms that last 30 minutes?
This is God thanking them for bacon.
@hammbone84: [Tornado siren blaring]
Wife: Let's go to the basement.
Me: There will be no line at Pizza Hut buffet.
Me: I'll bring you a salad.
@mommy_cusses: Person: Hi, my name is *my brain plays 3 seconds of air horn*
Me: I'm sorry, what was that?
Person: I'm *air horn*
@meatyocre: to be Frank, i would have to change my name.
@Fred_Delicious: Cool prank: lead 50 pugs to the top of a waterslide & send them down 1 by 1 as the parents waiting at the bottom get increasingly confused
@BooFricketyHoo: I tried yoga and I think my downward dog looked more like winnie the pooh getting stuck in rabbit's door.