@_mindflakes: Did you know that ants are free? You can just take one!
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@Overdue_Bills: She was like "wrong hole", so I said "adventurous on the e-harmony profile isn't knitting quilts Velma", long story short I'm still single.
@KatrinaGibson13: Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone's cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.
@jergarl: It's like my Grandpa used to say ,"The fight with grandma isn't over until I fill her pillow with spiders and she gives me back my teeth."
@Chumpstring: [bridge] BUNGEE INSTRUCTOR: forgetting something? JUMPER: what? BUNGEE INSTRUCTOR: your harness. JUMPER: oh wait lol i'm not with the group.