@BuckyIsotope: Did you know that if everyone in the U.S. donated just one pint of blood, we could pour it over the Statue of Liberty and be hella cool?
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@hazelmotes1: "I missed you so much!" I shout as I run past my wife's open arms and jump into my bed.
@Reverend_Scott: OK THERE. DID I PASS YOUR STUPID SOBRIETY TEST YET? Cop: Sir, you're still laying on the ground where you fell down.
@AGreaterMonster: The beauty of meditation is it helps instill inner peace in someone that makes it easy to pick his pockets.