@slimmy_shady: Did you know that if you squint at a cat and it squints back, it's the cat's way of saying "What the f are you looking at?!"
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@RtrJan: My kitchen drawer was stuck but my husband got it open. I guess all it needed was a big jerk.
@goodballs: Call me crazy but you can't follow, star, retweet, and trophy me and then act surprised when I show up to your house in a wedding dress.
@TheSnideOne: Face tattoos are a great way to let people know that you don't owe on any student loans.
@djdarrellripley: Her: Look at my new shoes! They light up when I walk away... Me: Doesn't everyone?