@slimmy_shady: Did you know that if you squint at a cat and it squints back, it's the cat's way of saying "What the f are you looking at?!"
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@KateWhineHall: I don't care what anybody says, my six hours of Black Friday shopping saved me at least $7.50.
@RobElliottComic: When I see a couple fighting I like to walk up to the one who's more pissed off and whisper "We can make it look like a suicide" and wink
@LosLos__: *swipes left* *swipes left* *swipes left* *swipes left* *swipes left* *swipes left* Wife: STOP TOUCHING MY FOREHEAD!
@WildeThingy: Jamaica has declared war on drugs. Actually, they pretty much do everything on drugs.