@slimmy_shady: Did you know that if you squint at a cat and it squints back, it's the cat's way of saying "What the f are you looking at?!"
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@ericsshadow: One time I got fired for being too drunk. Not for being drunk. For being too drunk. I miss that place.
@FuckabillyRex: I bet all those girls that ignored me in high school would still be pretty pleased with that decision.
@sip_at_home_mom: 2016 took so many beautiful, talented men I've loved my entire life. Seems unfair that I still have to dodge my ex at the grocery store.
@The_Grant_Boldt: "Hi can I just have a single burger?" I'm sorry, all of our burgers are in a relationship "But that's not eve- Please show some respect