@KattWillliams: Did you know that the new iPhone 5 helps people lose weight? When you pay for it you can't afford to eat for a month.
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@MeatloafComedy: It's been a horrible day. This morning my ex got ran over by a fed ex truck. Then I lost my job at fed ex.
@bornmiserable: [me, trying to join a conversation about Game of Thrones] oh man, there are just so many thrones, I don't have a favorite really
@TheCiscoKidder: Harness the power of my dog's wagging tail and we could step into a much greener future.
@AmarndaBvnes: don’t be offended if someone doesn’t reply to your text. their phone is prob “just on silent” or “right in front of their lying face”