@Gentlemenhood: Did you know when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown but only 4 to extend your arm and punch them in the face.
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@SlabBaconBP: How to make your girl feel special: 1) Write down how you feel about your drink or drug of choice. 2) Put her name on it & give it to her.
@DustinAHarkins: One time I called my teacher "mom" and she looked so confused and said "I'm not your mom." It made the rest of homeschooling really awkward.
@StupidSophia_: Me: "The only person I need in my life is you." Bartender: "Please stop trying to hold my hand."