@weinerdog4life: Did you know you can just buy live lobsters? Anyway can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters
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@joanofdarkness: I could be happily married to some dude for 50 year an id still be textin ma pals like "omg do u think he likes me???"
@FartInASkillet: Out of curiosity I decided to look at Pinterest, and I've decided it's basically cyber-hoarding...
@AimeeHelene1: *husband comes outside* "What are all the neighbors out here laughing about?" *sees me trying to skateboard to the mailbox*
@AlexRogaski: Biologist screws up: Mutant killer virus Physicist screws up: Deadly black hole Geologist screws up: Rock on table is now rock on floor