@weinerdog4life: Did you know you can just buy live lobsters? Anyway can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters
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@TheHyyyype: Apparently when your wife says "let's make a baby," she doesn't mean assemble an infant from clay and chant The Old Words inside a pentagram
@moose_chocolate: The groundhog in our town died on Sunday. I can't imagine how long our winter will be now.
@bobvulfov: [hunting] DAD: dont scare him ME: did u know we dump 16 tons of sewage into our waters every minute DEER: holy shit DAD: what did i just say