@weinerdog4life: Did you know you can just buy live lobsters? Anyway can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters
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@gruffybeard: Yes kids, Daddy does have a favorite and you'll find out which one of you it is when my will is read.
@stockejock: I'm ready to be a father now that I've successfully fed a goldfish for a week-he's so happy, he's relaxing & floating on his back...wait...
@sickipediabot: "If you have any questions, just ask. My door is always open." said the boss at my new job. "Why do you need a door then?" I asked him.
@discoken: I wrote "Clarence sale" instead of "clearance sale" and now there are angry old ladies here looking for a husband.