@weinerdog4life: Did you know you can just buy live lobsters? Anyway can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters
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@RdrJay47: Her: What brings you to speed dating? Me: I just ran out of the fancy shampoo my previous GF bought for me.
@WGladstone: My upstairs landlord asked if screams were coming from my apt or if she was dreaming. Either way, one of us has a terrifying neighbor.