@Inconsteveable: "Did you realise that a woman's "I'll be ready in five minutes" and a man's "I'll be home in five minutes" are exactly the same?"
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@JimmerThatisAll: I don't know why these Jehovah's Witnesses won't give me their addresses in case I think of something more to shout at them.
@WarrenHolstein: Having a traditional Columbus Day. Headed to a casino to hand out blankets with smallpox on them.
@Sanbel11: You haven't Instagramed what you had for dinner yet? Please hurry up, the suspense is killing me.
@TheBoydP: I may be getting old but not “doesn’t know what day of the week it is” old. I can tell by which day I open on my daily pill organizer.