@therealeatwood: Did you see saw? I saw Saw. You see Saw II? I saw Saw II too. Going to see Saw IV? I didn’t see Saw III, what am I going to see Saw IV for?
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Can I have some of your candy? 3-year-old: Can I have some of your beer? Me: 3: Me: 3: Me: Deal. Wife: NO!
@bIessbaby: *gets abducted by aliens* thank you. you have no idea how much i hated living on that planet
@TheToddWilliams: ME: Is it true you can smell diseases? MY DOG: Yes ME: Well do I have any? MY DOG: Yes, you're insane ME: Wow you can smell that? MY DOG: No