@cray_at_home_ma: Didn't realize how much motherhood had changed me until I army crawled in & out of my sleeping baby's room to get my 1/2 cup of cold coffee.
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@ScorpionDong: The easiest way to get rid of a ghost is to ask him for some rent money or to help with the dishes
@TheAlexNevil: When the Olympics adds a Parent Shaking Head In Disbelief At His Child competition, I will do our country proud.
@Cheeseboy22: Accidentally deleted an invitation to join LinkedIn from a friend. I doubt I'll ever get an opportunity like that again.
@zachreinert03: I only eat free range chicken because I only eat food that was given the illusion of freedom before it was murdered