@cray_at_home_ma: Didn't realize how much motherhood had changed me until I army crawled in & out of my sleeping baby's room to get my 1/2 cup of cold coffee.
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@Cheeseboy22: A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, "Looks like Santa lost his temper again."
@davedittell: hey atheists: if God isn't real then who did I just give my credit card information to over the phone?
@Tommytoughstuff: [Job interview] "Under "skills" you have odd compliments." "You look like you'd have soft bones. "Thank you?"
@ticknada: Anyone that says I'm a lover not a fighter has clearly never been in a relationship over 6 months