@ljoywilliams: Seriously hackers, y'all gotta do better. I don't need leaks from HBO, I need my student loan balance reduced to $12

@RoosterMustache: ME: look a possum HER: actually it's spelled opossum ME: you don't no how I spelled it, we're talking HER: actually it's spelled know

@Madame_Royale: I'm in so much trouble. My twitter crush found out about my boyfriend and now they're both on their way to tell my husbands.

@Adam14: My wife's so square in bed she has cubic hair

@wolfpupy: thinking about eating a lot of candy. which i have obtained legaly, through the trick or treat system, for many years