@Lindzeta: Didn't u hate it when as a kid u got the "mystery flavor" lollipop & the mystery ended up being that your parents got divorced (Or lemon)?
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@primawesome: My uncle used to ruin every Thanksgiving with his drinking problem, but now he found Jesus and ruins it with that.
@mactx85: I just now realized the guy at the urinal that complemented my watch might not have actually just been looking at my watch.
@Sean_Burgundy_: My gf always tells me to shower her with compliments, but when I woke her up with the hose while calling her beautiful she yelled at me
@rolldiggity: Either the kids on my street were playing with sidewalk chalk, or this is a crime scene and a bunch of stars and cats just got murdered.