@DrRocktopoid: Die Hard VIII: Die Even More Harder: Mostest Harderest.
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@Brampersandon_: *fart noise* ME: it was your dog. I swear! GIRL: my dog died last year you liar GHOST DOG: theres no way she's gonna sleep with you now lmao
@MouthOfSass: Just found some clothes my ex left here. Perfect timing since I'm out of toilet paper.
@MatCro: IAN: I broke my leg once ME: I've never broken a bone, touch wood [touches wood] THE UNIVERSE: THIS MAN WILL NEVER BREAK A BONE