@mydmac: Diet day 1
I have removed all the bad food from the house.
It was delicious.
@MondayPajamas: Sometimes you run into people who totally change your life for the better.
Those people are called bartenders
@Book_Krazy: *Ok, don't let them know you're a dog*
Him: The job is yours. Here's the keys to your new office. [tosses keys]
*catches keys in my mouth*
@slaughthie: Someone told me they dont get tattoos cuz "you dont put bumper stickers on a Ferrari" which was weird bc he was a 92 Chevy caprice at best
@lildandeli0n: I'm pretty sure Kanye West is the reason why we arent allowed to retweet our own tweets.
@Lola_Areola: Lay with me until everything crumbles and nothing but creeping ivy shields us from the incessant chatter of wandering cadavers. Bring snacks