@mydmac: Diet day 1
I have removed all the bad food from the house.
It was delicious.
@Bakwasowski: If you are between 8 -16 years old and not whiskey, you are annoying.
@cynicanoldicus: On the off chance I'm captured by cannibals, I've got a 'Best if eaten by 1975' tattoo on my neck.
@WarrenHolstein: Burger King is preparing to introduce a new turkey burger. Pigeons are beginning to disappear.
@TragicAllyHere: If you guys don't do my "Funeral Ideas" Pinterest board justice at my funeral, I will haunt you so hard
*pinning ideas to "Haunting" board*
@bfrosty04: I just got smiled at by a lovely cashier who has plenty of teeth, but clearly only brushes her favorites.