@IamEnidColeslaw: diet tip: eat all your meals in front of a industrial fan
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@iwearaonesie: me: I bet other husbands don't get put in timeout! wife: I bet they don't put their mother-in-law's phone number on a Craigslist ad either!
@thepunningman: Me: Sorry, my son spilled the water Waiter: No problem, I'll get you a new one Me: [grabbing his arm] Make sure this one likes sports
@TheRolo: A fun way to "Break up" is to tell them to "Go long" and then never throw them the football.