@IamEnidColeslaw: diet tip: eat all your meals in front of a industrial fan
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ehchino: "What is your reason for divorce?" She pronounces 'Kansas' like the second part of 'Arkansas'
@partlyfunny: I got chased by two Canadian geese today. I know they were Canadian because when they realized I was genuinely scared, they apologized.
@michaelianblack: The phrase "Whatever floats your boat" is misleading because, practically speaking, the only thing that's going to float your boat is water.
@iwearaonesie: me: What? A lot of people launch shopping carts across parking lots wife: Yeah but they take the kid out first! son *screaming*