@Kendragarden: Diet tip: If you think you're hungry, you might just be thirsty. Have a bottle of wine first and then see how you feel.
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@InternetHippo: ME: Why can’t everyone just be nice EVERYONE: Why can’t you ME: Don’t change the subject
@SCbchbum: Lady next to me in 50 Shades pulled out her glasses & asked if she missed the good part. I said no, the credits weren’t rolling yet.
@AdamOfEarth: Welcome to Psychic Abilities 101. Today's class was just rescheduled for tomorrow. If you're here now, you failed.
@ItsAndyRyan: PIG: "I'm paranoid everyone's trying to turn me into bacon" PSYCHIATRIST: "I'll cure you" PIG: "Oh God, not you too"