@Kendragarden: Diet tip: If you think you're hungry, you might just be thirsty. Have a bottle of wine first and then see how you feel.
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@Chumpstring: I let people know that I'm no weirdo. I say "I'm no weirdo!" From that point forward, it's just a matter of keeping my mouth off their pets.
@HousewifeOfHell: Fluffy towels that don't absorb anything but just move water around on your body are the devil's handiwork.
@Roweboat13G: A recent medical study shows that women who carry a little extra weight generally live longer than the men in their lives who mention it.
@briangaar: The new Batman is super realistic -- he's attracted to porch lights, makes your girlfriend scream and then the cat eats him