@Kendragarden: Diet tip: If you think you're hungry, you might just be thirsty. Have a bottle of wine first and then see how you feel.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@1_swarthy_dude: [texting] HotGirl: Help me ace the Periodic Table test tomorrow? Nerd: Selenium Neodymium Neon Tungsten Darmstadtium HG: ? N: SeNd NeWDs
@LindaInDisguise: Setting a dowry for my teenage daughter. So far I've got 2 dogs, 1 little sister and an ant farm. Act before midnight, I'll toss in an iPad.
@UniqueDude2: [Meeting girlfriend's parents] Me: Well Mrs. Ashford, I can see where Elle gets her good looks! <Mr. Ashford sulks the rest of dinner>
@the_paramedicK: Mom: why are your eyes dilated Me: your eyes dilate up to 45% when you look at something you love Mom: what were you looking at Me: memes