@Kendragarden: Diet tip: If you think you're hungry, you might just be thirsty. Have a bottle of wine first and then see how you feel.
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@TheAlexNevil: Me: How's it look? Doc: You have 2 months to live M: WHAT?? You're my dentist! D: Then you don't need to come back for a cleaning in 6 mos
@rachelle_mandik: HIM: Hi, I'm Bill. ME: Hi, I'm...oh shit this is embarrassing. I'm not really good with names.
@Book_Krazy: *Ok, don't let them know you're a dog* Him: The job is yours. Here's the keys to your new office. [tosses keys] *catches keys in my mouth*