@jwoodham: DIET TIP: You are what you eat. Do you really want to be celery? C'mon. Not even celery wants to be celery.
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@AimeeHelene1: *builds a fort out of paper towel packages at store* *coerces other customers to bring me cheese samples in exchange for fort privileges*
@Sophie2078: Me: What’s your favorite color? Him: That depends. What is the color of your eyes? Me: Awww. You are so sweet. Green. Him: I love blue.
@weinerdog4life: When God invented snakes he was like do you want legs or do you want to look like a scary belt, too late scary belt