@o__0Dev: Diet tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don’t wear any.
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@SirEviscerate: My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. Now she's a pearl diver in the Philippines & can afford her own damn dessert.
@LindaInDisguise: Setting a dowry for my teenage daughter. So far I've got 2 dogs, 1 little sister and an ant farm. Act before midnight, I'll toss in an iPad.
@papasuncle: Me: Goodnight moon Moon: night. Me: What? Moon: nothing. It's fine. Me: You're acting distant Moon: I'm 238,900 miles away