@o__0Dev: Diet tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don’t wear any.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Smooheed: Standing behind a hot guy on a treadmill saying 'don't worry baby, I'll catch you if you fall' makes him run for a really really long time
@iRowlf: I'd like to return this pack of gum. They taste awful. "Sir, those are Band-Aids." Oh, I'd like to return these Band-Aids. Someone ate some.
@Lisabug74: My mom sometimes texts me pictures of Buddha with an inspirational text like: "Be kind to others, Evil Lisa"
@merewillis: My husband showed me beautiful flowers on his phone & said, "Look, I got you some flowers." So I put them in a vase of water. #LastLaugh