@o__0Dev: Diet tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don’t wear any.
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@momTruthBomb: I accidentally wore a red shirt to Target today and, long story short, I'm covering for Debbie this weekend.
@weinerdog4life: Tie a sweater around your waist so you can pretend a short ghost is hugging you.
@AcerbicSuburban: Secretly adding a tablespoon of butter to everything he eats is my long-term exit plan.
@SequelsWeWant: 2001 A Space Odyssey 2 The spaceship returns HAL is just as uncooperative as ever. He never works. He becomes the basis for Windows 10.