@o__0Dev: Diet tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don’t wear any.
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@octoberjuneblog: The only way I'd see Taken 3 is if Liam Neeson gets kidnapped and his daughter has to rescue him
@Brianhopecomedy: *wife phones* "Hi!" "Hi! Did you clean the house?" "Uhh...YUP!" "OK, I'm coming home. Need anything?" "Yes, about 2 hours."
@daemonic3: Hey girl, do you like bad boys? [drinks milk from carton] Or REALLY bad boys? [eats spoonful of yogurt one day after expiration date]
@david8hughes: [first date] Me: that is hilarious Date: ... Me: wait, bread or dead? Date: how would my parents be bread?