@o__0Dev: Diet tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don’t wear any.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@astutenewf: Hate when my GF asks me to hold her purse at the grocery store line cause I really don't like being that guy holding two purses.
@ShortSleeveSuit: [At a bank using a 4 color ball point pen] *scrawls on napkin* *Red* Put [click] *Green* $$$ [click] *Black* In [click] *Blue* Bag [click]
@comedyfish: If you give someone some Beethoven CDs for a gift and they don't like it, you can always take them Bach
@Ygrene: [being murdered by cows] more like (finger quotes) "moodered" amirite [the other farm animals immediately join in, even some corn is mad]