@darkmatter_wimp: *dims the lights so you look like your selfies*
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@thetobbie: The thing about human relationships is that one person can be so overcome by a moment while the other person is thinking about KFC...
@CVTBaby: You know how you have that ONE hoodie that no matter when or what you're eating -- you ALWAYS spill something on it? It's cuz you're a pig.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [magicians backstage] don't panic guys but I think we really just sawed that woman in half
@UncleDuke1969: Me: Threesome? Wife: When pigs fly! Do I wish for flying pigs? Pro: Threesome Con: High bacon prices *has idea *starts building catapult