@darkmatter_wimp: *dims the lights so you look like your selfies*
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@trevso_electric: The leading method of suicide in Albania is attempting to kidnap Liam Neeson's daughter.
@juneohara65: I have a time phobia. *looks at watch, panics *looks at clock, panics *looks at thyme "This I can handle."
@flashember: [Cop arresting a centipede] *clink* *clink* *clink* *clink* *clink* *opens crate of new handcuffs* *clink* *clink* *clin
@FaisalAdam_: Growing up, I had lots of nicknames but my best would always be 'Officer! That's him over there'... It gave me my sprinter's physique.