@WhatTheFMemes: Discussing Ferguson with friends
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@EndhooS: [1st date, don't let her know you're a panda] "Do u mind if I ask how you got the um *gestures at eyes* These? I..*rubs neck* cage fighting
@trevso_electric: Jennifer Aniston is always cast in the same role because she's a victim of Rachel profiling.
@JaneBadall: Babe, does this mole look suspicious to you? *Points at mole wearing sunglasses and a raincoat*
@jimmytorosian: *phone rings* Wife: "Quick! Pretend I'm not in!" Me (a dad): "Hello. Yes my wife is here. Hey, Not In. It's for you." Wife: "...."