@Godhatespants: Dishes are like boyfriends. My roommate should really stop doing mine
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@trojansauce: [watching lion king] TIMON: hakuna matata ME: *whispering to date* that means no worries TIMON: it means no worries ME: see?
@jwoodham: The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it's like excuse me, I'm working here.
@funnybeachgirl: With the holidays upon us, please dont forget what they stand for. Family, friends & punching strangers at the mall because they cut in line
@ThisOneSayz: Me: Just once? Dog: Me: Please? Dog: Me: Say, "I'm a law-biting citizen" Dog: That's not water in your cup, is it?