@FrenulumBreve: [dismissed from jury duty because I kept coughing loudly the words 'bribe me']
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@Thynebear: *queen points out window* "what's that flashing out the window?" "Lightning, My Queen" *car busts thru window* DID I HEAR LIGHTNING McQUEEN
@kumailn: My favorite romantic comedy sub-genre is "Hugh Grant falls in love with someone for no reason."
@Dan_Haak: Me: *being hauled on a stretcher into an ambulance* Shotgun! EMT: dude your gonna die if you si- Driver: dammit Dave, he called shotgun
@SaraESpivey: Was just in an elevator with my ex, so I stopped at every floor to show him he was wrong on so many levels.