@JohnLyonTweets: "Disney movies promote false images of the friendliness of woodland creatures," I mutter after each rabies shot.
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@brunopieroni: Sorry 2015, but I just got out of a year-long relationship with 2014 and I'm not looking for anything serious right now.
@stevevsninjas: Mom Octopus: *opens bedroom door* What's up? Son Octopus: *slams laptop* Nothing! Mom Octopus: YOU BETTER NOT BE LOOKING AT PRAWN AGAIN
@Talkinghands69: Come close... Closer... Look deeply into my eyes and tell me what you see... Is it an eyelash? Seriously, help me out, it's killing me.
@thenatewolf: *on a first date* Me: [remembering how my friend said women like mysterious men] my favorite color is a secret