@Spooferman_: Divorced couples have two chromosomes. Ex and why.
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@bourgeoisalien: Sad that 25 years ago Homer Simpson seemed like a looser in American culture and now it's like: "Whoa...that guy has a job AND owns a home?"
@Carbosly: This guy at my work is giving his wife a gym membership for Christmas. His name was John.
@astutenewf: I wonder if when my dog follows me into the bathroom it's cause I follow him outside when he goes and he thinks that's how it works. Meh.