@Spooferman_: Divorced couples have two chromosomes. Ex and why.
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@tarashoe: love how during intense moments in space-themed movies they'll show the dashboard panels, as though you'll be like ah. ah i see the issue
@kristygee: I show extra confidence at a job interview by giving a firm handshake before and after every question.
@CM2BTTHD: Our dog runs away so much, I'm just going to spray paint our phone number on her side.
@ArfMeasures: SURGEON: I'm afraid that your Grandma is very critical ME: Oh no SURGEON: She *starts to tear up* she said I have a stupid haircut