@Spooferman_: Divorced couples have two chromosomes. Ex and why.
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@ericsshadow: [at my high school reunion] Hey guys, remember last year when we toilet papered Mrs. Krebb's house? "Dude that was in 1991."
@jedfudally: childrens alphabet books are the only thing keeping us from forgetting what a xylophone is
@MichaelGoffLA: Pot has never been proven harmful to humans, but the way it makes those huge holes in the street has to give you pause.
@LadyJanieGeek: Came downstairs to find my 85 year old mum watching the TV Me:" Why are you watching Thatcher's funeral?" Mum: "Just to make sure"