@FattMernandez: Django and Bjork, sitting in a tree, j-j-j-j-j-j-j.
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@SortaBad: 9am: Very busy day today, I need to focus & stay off the internet 1pm: did you know that Texas has the largest population of prairie dogs?
@Xoolun: My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with bodybuilding. I could feel the weight lifting from my shoulders.
@PaigeKellerman: Way back when, I thought technology would look more like flying cars and less like me yelling "The laptop's not a touch screen," at my kids.
@ArfMeasures: JUDGE: I may send u to jail. But if u act less condescending, I'll let u go free ME [waving goodbye to my family] u mean condescendingLY