@TweetinChris: Do a little dance, make a little love, pay child support.
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@stephenjmolloy: Wife: "I'm sick and tired of your walkie-talkie obsession. This marriage is over." Me: "You broke up there. This marriage is what? Over."
@johnfreiler: if you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a videocamera you can usually film like 7 or 8 births before they throw you out
@Canadian_Cutie_: First date *dont let him know you been stalking him Him- so my brother just got deployed Me: Josh or Brian?
@DeanB15: I got drunk with my dad once and I asked him if his boner curved to the left too, he replied "No, you got that from your mother". :(