@Jake_Vig: "Do as many squats as you feel like, I don't want to get involved."
- impersonal trainer
@Just_Lee_: When someone is murdered, the police investigate the spouse first.
And that tells you everything you need to know about marriage.
@Izianikapani: Goldfish: did you remember to take out the garbage?
Elephant: [rolls eyes]
Goldfish: did you remember to take out the garbage?
@AndyRuther: If Trump or Hillary really cared about America they never would have agreed to a debate in the middle of a Monday Night Football game.
@thenatewolf: The lights are dimmed. Sexy music plays. She runs her fingers across my scar.
"I got that when I fell off the toilet," I whisper.
@CantWaitToNap: Stories about panicked mothers lifting cars off their trapped babies... but it's my wife hauling out 10 cases of wine during a house fire.