@Jake_Vig: "Do as many squats as you feel like, I don't want to get involved."
- impersonal trainer
Me: Can I come in?
St Peter: *shakes head no*
Me: Was it close?
St Peter: *rolls out my lifetime internet history* Not really
@williamsonnier: Take that seed.
Yes that one
Now crunch it up.
Now pour this hot water on it.
Let me drink that.
It's good. Name it "coffee"
@Sarcasticsapien: When people say things like "You can't change the past" I can't help but wonder what it must be like to have that brilliant of a mind.
@Tmoney68: Parents are hiring drug-sniffing dogs to find their kids' drugs. I couldn't do it. My kid already doesn't trust me, according to her diary.
@Super_Cynthia: In 1979, a call coming from inside the house was a reason for terror.
In 2014, it means one of you is too lazy to shout or come downstairs.