@peachesanscream: Do dolphins have tattoos of single mothers on their arses?
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@UniqueDude2: [reading book report] ME: Beyowulf is the story of a guy that turns into an wolf when he hears Beyoncé TEACHER: Wrong. ME: Well, I tried.
@Breadery: There is nothing sadder than waking and turning to see the love of your life's face to find she has deflated in the night.
@neiltyson: Urge is strong to leave work early on summer Fridays to avoid traffic. Most do it & become the traffic they sought to avoid.