@peachesanscream: Do dolphins have tattoos of single mothers on their arses?
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@daemonic3: Top uses for Golf Balls: 1. Describing hail storms 2. Describing tumors 3. Playing golf
@MomOfTeen: "Feel the burn" yells my fitness instructor as I think that's probably how Satan greets people in Hell.
@SteveSuckington: [on a date] I've got butterflies in my stomach "that's so cute. You dont have to be nervous" [flashback to me eating some butterflies] ok
@SirEviscerate: *tunnels out of prison cell, pops up in the warden's office in an entirely different prison* aw come ON