@Mr_Kapowski: Do girls that make duck faces in pictures walk in a V formation at the mall?
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@thatdutchperson: My life would have been very different had I done anything with the same intensity as brushing my teeth on the day of a dentist appointment.
@Ms_Shazam: "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." - Me to my children.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Well kids, when a man and woman love each other very much, he erects a monument for her, but in his pants.
@rohmontgomery: I am upset with my parents for making me exist. u just decided to make a person one day? who's gonna pay my bills? me? I didn't ask for this