@TheThomason: Do I have a plan for the zombie apocalypse? I don't even have a battery in my smoke detector, and fire is real.
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@Super_Cynthia: [auditions for laundry detergent commercials just so I can splash brightly colored food on myself on purpose]
@holymolynicole: My ex didn't realize 'cheat day' only meant he could eat whatever FOOD he wanted.
@goodballs: If your bf/gf is mad at you put a cape on them and say, "Now you're super mad!" If they laugh marry them.