@autocorrects: Do I turn left when nothing is right? Or do I turn right when there's nothing left?
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@BlindChow: Hi, I'd like a salamus sandwich, please. "You mean salami?" No, just a single salamus. "Um ok, anything else on that?" Yes, one pepperonus.
@internetluke: [snapchat HQ] Boss: anybody got anything good? Guy (who smoked weed instead of working): people with big eyes puking rainbows?
@KeetPotato: [tied up by the mafia] any last requests? "yes, let me go" [still gets killed despite finding a loophole cuz the mafia arent very nice]
@Smooheed: My husband told me I was beautiful for the first time tonight Sure, he was drunk and using a Scooby Doo voice but I'll take it