@naazihah: "Do me a solid" just sounds like you're asking someone to poop for you and that's kinda gross.
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@certifiable_end: My imagination ran away with me, but we're both out of shape and didn't get very far.
@AwkwardTwitts: "Wow, you're tall.. Do you play basketball?" "Wow, you're short. Do you play mini golf?"
@tigersgoroooar: Not going to any more weddings or funerals. Please keep that in mind, friends who are considering getting married or dying.
@afbradstone: Today I heard a guy on the street say, "It's chowder season, baby!" so I pushed him in front of a bus because those are awesome last words