@weinerdog4life: Do not break eye contact with your waitress as you put the spaghetti in your wallet.
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@MarfSalvador: [Watching the sunset over Paris] BF: My darling *goes down on one knee* GF: OH MY GOD!! BF: THIS is how I proposed to my last girlfriend
@kellyoxford: Cyclists who don't obey street signs should have to wear their google search history on a t-shirt.
@david8hughes: A black James Bond? Wouldn't work. He'd be pulled over every 15 minutes for driving an Aston Martin.