@atanenhaus: Do other animals have signature tranquilizers, or are horses just especially stressed out?
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@kentgrossarth: I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend's bedroom. I can't believe she's a super hero.
@manwhohasitall: Wife online? Kids asleep? Time to relax & unwind with a damp cloth and a bottle of multi-surface cleaner. 'Me time'.
@Brampersandon_: TRUMP: if elected i'll build a protective wall. I'll call it the great wall *advisor whispers in his ear* i'll call it the really great wall
@TheToddWilliams: [murder trial] LAWYER: So you unplugged your wife's life support for five minutes? COMPUTER TECH: Sometimes that works.