@WilliamAder: Do people really expect to have a satisfying experience on a website that ends with ".gov"?
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@thepunningman: Ikea said if they catch me stealing any more kitchen utensils I'll be banned for life. But I'm willing to take the whisk.
@bobvulfov: ME: why is my son failing TEACHER: just because u gave him that name doesnt mean he'll be intelligent ME: [gasping] cover ur ears Smartboy
@AmishPornStar1: The amount of time you spend cleaning your house before a friend comes over is inversely proportional to the quality of that friendship.
@SteveSuckington: I wonder how many hobbies you have to suck at before you take up bird watching.