@KatieBurnett: Do people who happily announce their pregnancy know they are going to be stuck with a baby afterwards?
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@Ixwie: Ever show ur mum a tweet that u find funny and instead of laughing she just asks 'who's that?' Like I don't know but that's not the point
@AaronFullerton: Considering our obsessions with cats and emojis, the internet really is the new ancient Egypt.
@IamEnidColeslaw: HEY. Our ancestors didn't eat brunch. They ate rocks. And fought dinosaurs. Ever heard of fire? They INVENTED it. Enjoy your Bloody Mary.
@kyle_thatisall: Good night cop: Want the light on or off? Sweet dreams kiddo. Bad night cop: You will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep.