@envydatropic: Do people who swirl and sniff their wine in the glass know that it tastes just the same straight from the bottle? Amateurs.
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@CelebrityChez: Just realized after two years that my boss is actually a grapefruit covered in ramen noodles with peanut eyes. Still very afraid of him.
@ExecDad1: If you think men aren't good listeners then whisper "C'mere, I'm naked" and I will hear you eight states away.
@SequelsWeWant: Freaky Friday 2: The mom and daughter switch bodies again The mom doesn't go back She keeps stealing children's bodies She lives forever
@WheelTod: Did you know if you weigh yourself, then take a dump, then weigh the dump & weigh yourself again, you'll be banned from Walgreens for life?