@AimeeHelene1: Do poodle owners realize they just bought a dog with a shitty 1980s white girl perm?
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@weinerdog4life: Keanu Reeves watching a Keanu Reeves movie trying to figure out how he's in two places at once.
@Adam14: Hey, people who don't properly re-seal your half empty bags of potato chips... what's it like eating spider eggs?
@djdarrellripley: Doctor: Open your mouth (inserts tongue depressor) Me: Mmm, this tastes good. Dr: You should have tasted it when the Popcicle was on it!
@WilliamRodgers: My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags! What an idiot! Who threatens someone with a vacation???