@AimeeHelene1: Do poodle owners realize they just bought a dog with a shitty 1980s white girl perm?
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@panmidwest: Pro Tip: Make sure you wear your Fitbit on your dominant hand so you get credit every time you lift an ice cream cone to your mouth.
@tastefactory: [ants at a Def Leppard concert] *Pour Some Sugar on Me starts* Ant 1: Oh hell yeah I love this one Ant 2: Sugar is good for us and the queen
@iNusku: I've been taking my Flintstones' vitamins daily, but I still can't start a car with my feet.