@AlyssaDiSalle: Do something nice for your ex today, take them out. One bullet should do the trick.
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@scriptdave: Biden: I wanna join the protest. Obama: Joe, we've been over this. Biden: But they're-- Obama: How about some ice cream? . . . Biden: Okay.
@DestineyLynn: As I was going through my wallet for a second I thought I got robbed... And then I remembered I got gas.
@LittleHarmonica: I hate it when people think I'm staring when really I'm trying to kill them with my mind.
@DaddyJew: Librarian: can I check you out? Me: sure [spins around] Librarian: I meant your book Me: oh yea, that makes way more sense