@OhNoSheTwitnt: Do the republicans shocked that Trump is their nominee also get surprised when they put cake batter in the oven and it becomes a cake?
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@Tmoney68: The biggest lie in advertising is someone taking a bite of a hard shell taco & it not immediately exploding in their hands.
@Ameiam: My date told me I have nice skin. It's not like he's gonna make a mask out of it right? *nervous laugh*
@lurve_meh: They say kill 'em with kindness but it's much quicker if you just take their phone charger away.
@murrman5: lower my casket into the ground and play "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" If you see someone not singing the Wimba Way part, kick them out.