@ch000ch: do the spectators at golf tournaments know they don't have to be there
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@unravelingfire: Me: Do you like my new negligé? Him: Are you wearing bubble wrap? Me: You said put something on that would keep you occupied for hours.
@Spaziotwat: [The Second Coming] Jesus:"People of the Earth! I have returned with news of God's love an-" Voice from the crowd:"DO THE WINE TRICK"
@Home_Halfway: My wife's leaving me for refusing to stop referring to our children as my Capri Son and Capri Daughter.
@Cravin4: There is nothing sexier than when she locks eyes with me as she finishes... ..Frying the bacon