@poopidoop: Do transformers buy car or life insurance?
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@thatdutchperson: [finds sock with hole in it] *gets angry* [puts sock back in same drawer] *repeats forever*
@TheRealRHB: I'm not saying I've let my house get filthy, but this is the second time I've caught my new Roomba trying to mail itself back to the factory
@Darlainky: I think we all know that one person who seems to make it a daily goal to incorporate every color of the rainbow in their outfit.
@RandiLawson: Free tip for home invaders: literally everybody with an iPhone6 is out at brunch right now