@csmith5050: Do white boys with dreadlocks know about Garnier Fructis?
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@CornOnTheGoblin: [leaving a birthday party with my piñata friend] i swear i didn't know they were going to do that "Just take me home"
@fuzzlime: I thought it was a staring contest but then I realized the guy had a glass eye so now I can never go back to that gas station again.
@SemFitty: Why are sloths one of the 7 deadly sins? Those little guys don't hurt anybody. They just chill all day.
@birbigs: Why does my computer always ask me if I'm "sure" about stuff? Yes, I want to delete my hard drive.