@Sassafrantz: Do you, Charles Manson, take this woman who is clearly more insane than you to be your lawful wedded wife?
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@AnOrangeSNES: [Snow White sees her doctor] Snow White: How bad is it, Doctor? Doc: Damn it I told you I'm a mine worker not a doctor. It's my name, idiot
@ibid78: Probably the hardest part about being a dj is when you get into a fight and you gotta hold your headphones up to your ear with one shoulder.
@TheMichaelRock: [guy inventing Captain Crunch] Hear me out, they're razor blades, but they're delicious.
@TheTweetOfGod: You are free to criticize athletes. They are free to criticize you too of course, but they don't, because your job is dull and no one cares.