@KamaroPayne: Do you ever take a bunch of pills, forget that you took a bunch of pills, take a bunch more pills, and then die? I know. Me TOO.
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@ArfMeasures: [Looking at plans for building Rome] ME: How long will it take u? BUILDER [shrugs] A day at most ME: Are u sure?! B: Yeah easy, trust me
@DanTaylorAuthor: Me: *gets in from fishing trip* Girlfriend: did you catch anything? Me: *sighs* just an old boot Girlfriend: okay, what's she called?
@Brampersandon_: [office meeting] BOSS: Printer ink is costing us a ton. Any ideas on how to cut costs? SQUID: *looks up from phone* Why y'all lookin' at me?
@TheAlexNevil: Parents, then: Would it kill you to pick up the phone? Parents, now: Would it kill you to put down the phone?