@ChrisStokdyk: Do you ever wake up, look yourself in the mirror and say, "My God, I look like a pillow" ? If so, that's not a mirror - it's your pillow.
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@david8hughes: [wife gets in the car after talking with the priest] "What did the priest have to say?" "He said you have to stop rapping over the choir."
@smarick: IF I HAD A NICKLE EVERY TIME A GOP OFFICIAL CALLED TRUMP'S BEHAVIOR "UNACCEPTABLE" BUT ACCEPTED HIM AS NOMINEE I COULD START A FAKE COLLEGE
@SortaBad: Fellow Black Friday shopper: I'm so excited! What are you trying to buy? Me: oh I can't afford anything, I'm hoping to be trampled to death