@Half_Mex75: Do you get extra points for killing two birds with another bird?
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@rockymomax: [At bar] BARTENDER: I dont think she wants to talk man ME: [dabbing on pickle juice as cologne] I think I know what the ladies want pal
@yonewt: God I'm so stupid I was looking all over for my car keys, turns out they were on my head the entire time.
@Kappa_Kappa: When someone invites me to their house and I see more than 2 cars parked outside it I keep driving just in case it's an intervention for me
@Smooheed: There's nothing quite like a pissed off toddler trying to make her point by angrily storming away on a ride on ladybug