@buhsbaby_baby: Do you guys ever put sheets over your dogs so they look like little dog ghosts? Me neither.
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@TheMichaelRock: According to these Father's Day gift sections, all dads are clean shaven business men that love playing golf and think they're #1.
@upsidedowntrash: Coworker: crazy weather we're having Me: [as loud as possible] SHARON FOR THE LAST TIME I WILL NOT KILL YOUR HUSBAND FOR A BAG OF REDVINES
@Scdavis24: Getting back with your ex is like taking a shower and putting back on your dirty underwear.
@notalogin: [God making a planet for the first time and just constantly screwing things up] Ugh, first world problems.