@Laser_Cat: Do you Karen promise to love and to cherish Mark, always put the toilet paper on the roll over the top, and not leave crumbs in the butter?
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@Brampersandon_: [PetSmart] Why pay $30 for a bird when I can pay $10 & grow like 1000 of them? *throws bag of bird seed in cart* I'm such a smart shopper.
@bigmacher: Candy canes are the perfect treat. They are minty & put you into the holiday spirit & can easily be fashioned into a shank.
@savvystrider: The next person to tell me a joke about Indians & call centers is getting beaten to death with my snake charming flute.
@SamGrittner: People only want to do drugs named after women: Mary Jane, Molly, Lucy (in the Sky with Diamonds). No one wants to snort some Craig.