@Laser_Cat: Do you Karen promise to love and to cherish Mark, always put the toilet paper on the roll over the top, and not leave crumbs in the butter?
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@LinajkReturns: Don't you hate it when you put a freshly baked pie on the windowsill to cool and a cartoon character steals it?
@leechee420: Friend asks me to be her maid of honor: M-What do I have to do? F-Well I know you, so I'm expecting very little. Mission accomplished.
@bourgeoisalien: It's important when dieting to reward yourself and take a break. Then, when you return to your diet a decade later you're all set to go
@huntigula: confuse your coworkers today by telling them you're going to the restroom to do a "number 3"