@Laser_Cat: Do you Karen promise to love and to cherish Mark, always put the toilet paper on the roll over the top, and not leave crumbs in the butter?
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@jamespianka: "And the award for Most British Name goes to..." *Benedict Cumberbatch takes a sip of gin with his eyes closed* "Helena Bonha-" *spews*
@TheKrisWilson: Considering "Thank You" cards are a thing, I'm going to invent "No, thank YOU!" cards and people will send them back and forth forever.
@ibid78: If you whisper, "we're being watched," you can hug a stranger for as long as you want. My record is 13 days.
@Supafunkadunka: Women my age expect a man to have his shit together by now. Time to start dating younger women.